a message to close this decade: you don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of having your needs met.

attention-seeking was a thing for me. maybe i didn’t get enough attention when i was younger or maybe i got way too much. either way, my relationship with attention has always been unhealthy. ⁣

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i vacillated between not being good enough and being too good. i either felt like i didn’t need anyone to validate me or i needed everyone to validate me. i went back and forth with this for as long as i can remember, two extremes leading to the same result. ⁣

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the truth is that we do need people. and attention is an actual human need. ⁣

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as we close out this decade, the veil is being lifted. no more hiding from our shadows. karma is being dished out. and truths are being revealed. ⁣

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yesterday i spent the majority of my day running from this awkward feeling. i didn’t know what it was but something felt off. i didn’t want to look at it but i couldn’t help it. i saw my own destructive false beliefs popping up and i fell into what Brene Brown calls a shame storm. ⁣

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i immediately called my sister and asked her if she could help me understand what was happening. this was a FIRST. i like to process things on my own and for so long it has been to my own detriment. there are so many times i refused to seek out support because i didn’t believe anyone was capable of supporting me. ⁣

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but this time was different (patting myself on the back), i broke that cycle. i decided that i was going to seek out support and actually LISTEN to my need. ⁣

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my sister and I talked and she told me something that i want to close this decade out with. she said “shut down all your outside motivations. what does salma need to respond to her needs?” ⁣

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...⁣

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then it dawned on me. we live our lives from one of two places … ⁣

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1. i have needs. when i need something i become aware of it and i take responsibility to meet that need (responsibility = ability to respond). ⁣

2. i am going to try to prove i am worthy to get my needs met even if it means i have to manipulate or jeopardize my integrity to do so. ⁣

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one sounds like taking things into your own hands (responding). the other is giving up your power to outside forces and hoping that you’ll be good enough for your needs to be met (not responding but leaving it to chance). ⁣

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whewwww. this was mind-blowing. ⁣

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i’ve been hearing the word balance over and over again clairaudiently. ⁣

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for me, 2020 is a year dedicated to balance -- to integration. ⁣

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to responding, not to the needs i think are acceptable; but responding to all my needs. ⁣

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when we look at a need and label it unacceptable, we open up space for negative energies to influence the way in which we meet that need. this is what gets us into situations and relationships that don’t serve us. this is how we end up negotiating our worth. ⁣

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all your needs are acceptable. all of you is worthy. ⁣

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repeat after me: ⁣

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i am enough. i don’t have to prove my worth. i am taken care of. ⁣

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HAPPY NEW YEAR MY LOVELY SOULVIVORS!! cheers to more growth, more acceptance, and more life.

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#getoutthetrap⁣