detachment = disconnection is the reason why relationships suffer

we have been conditioned to fear being alone. in ancient times, people depended on their tribes for survival. we still do. ⁣

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however, there is a huge difference between interdependence and flat out dependence. when we are children we are dependent. we depend on our parents or caretakers to feed us, change us, and love us. when we get older we are supposed to transition into interdependence. in order to make this transition happen, we must learn it. ⁣

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most of us haven’t.⁣

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hence why we end up in dysfunctional relationship dynamics. what in today’s world is considered codependent/narcissistic patterns. ⁣

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most people develop insecure attachment styles when they are younger and so they have no idea how to transition into interdependence. ⁣

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we are a social species. this is what keeps us alive and ironically what also kills many souls. school doesn’t teach interdependence and neither do most parents. the ego doesn’t like being interdependent. and so this causes a world of chaos. ⁣

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in yesterday's blog post i ended it with “the key lies in detachment.” detachment is the way to break free from all of our traps. however, when we have insecure attachment styles we relate detachment to disconnection. ⁣

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this is why we stick around and stay with people who don’t know how to respect or love us. we think that by detaching from them somehow we will disconnect from them and the idea of that scares us. ⁣

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if you are still with me, i am going to lay down some ways to turn this idea that detachment is disconnection around. the ego loves using this to keep us from recognizing our own hazardous behaviors. it tells us to stay around people we are familiar with like family so that we don’t get hurt by the outside world. even when staying reinforces toxic behaviors. ⁣

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in order to go from dependent to interdependent, we must first go through independence. another large population gets stuck on independence and never really makes it to interdependence. this is another trap you want to avoid altogether. (more on that another day).⁣

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if you feel dependent on the people in your life, there is a high chance that you feel that being detached means being disconnected. ⁣

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to test this idea, just look at who in your life you are afraid of losing. when we are afraid of losing someone we don’t honor ourselves enough to set boundaries. we have somehow (along the years) picked up on a belief that love means no boundaries. losing someone means we will be disconnected from them in our minds. ⁣

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but the truth is we can never be disconnected from anyone, ever. ⁣

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detachment looks like “i love you, i release you. and whether you are here or not, i love you the same.” this gives us permission to be honest with the people we love because we recognize that regardless of how our relationship goes, we know that love is the basis for it. ⁣

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this isn’t the reality for most relationships. whether that be lovers, friends, family, coworkers, etc., there is this weird dynamic where most of us are afraid of speaking our truth because we are afraid of losing them. ⁣

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this is what causes bogus relationships and weird energy between people. we have to learn to be interdependent and in order to do so, we have to be radically honest. think about the people you are afraid of losing and ask yourself if that is the reason you haven’t been radically honest? and if just if, you were to be radically honest; how would that shift your relationships and your reality?⁣

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i’ll leave you with that today. #getoutthetrap⁣