fatal attraction // what we can learn from the things, people and places we are attracted to
- Salma Summers
- Nov 16, 2019
- 3 min read
oh, the lessons we can learn from the things we want. when we say we want something, we haven’t accepted that we already have that thing. we try to possess external things, people, or places in hopes that it will fill the part of us that we have disowned or repressed.
you don’t actually want the thing outside of you, you want the part of you that is reflected in that thing.
so look closely. what does that person, place or thing symbolize? what does it mean to have that in your life?
for instance, look at why you are attracted to someone. what does this person represent? (confidence? love? kindness? independence? beauty?) and boom, that is what you are actually looking for.
it is never about the person, place or thing. it is always about you.
it is great to have desires and attractions, but once you find what you are looking for within yourself ... your external reality and all that is in it will always reflect that.
you can’t do it the other way around.
you can’t have the mirror produce the object of focus.
that is what we attempt to do when we try to get something or someone to fill what we are actually missing within ourselves.
imagine meeting a guy (or girl, but i’ll use a guy for this example) and he is really charming and charismatic. and say, you instantly fall for this man but after a few weeks of being together you realize there are more reasons why you don’t like him than reasons why you do. and quickly you become miserable again.
just like your last relationship.
and the one before that.
but WAIT.
could it be that you recognized on a subconscious level that his charisma did not equal your charisma?
and maybe because you admired this repressed trait so much, you put blinders up and ignored the red flags?
so how did you get here?
well for starters, you admired a trait in him that you have within yourself but don’t know how to access. and you thought being with him would “complete you.”
the things, people, and places we are attracted to are perfect mirrors.
however, they can not complete us but they can give us a road map on how to complete ourselves.
everything you want, you have within you. back to the example of charisma, once you own the charisma in you (that you may have disowned because a long time ago someone convinced you that you weren’t good enough for it), you will not be attracted to it anymore.
you may appreciate that trait in others but it will not be something that pulls you in like a magnet.
when i speak of attraction, i am talking about the feeling of needing a thing and feeling like you can’t live without it. this type of attraction is obsessive. no wonder they call it fatal attraction.
you will know the difference between love and attraction because love does not possess. it does not take ownership. it does not suffocate. attraction, on the other hand, makes you go a little crazy. this is how you know that you are doing the whole “mirror mirror please produce the object of focus” thing. this is delusional.
instead, look at what is drawing you in and use it as a shortcut to finding what you have disowned or repressed within yourself.
i used the example of relationships but we do this across the board. we do it with careers, material things like homes and cars, and anything else that we become obsessive over.
so again, ask yourself...
what does getting this thing symbolize?
and therein lies your answer.
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