following the rules is boxing you in part 2 - SELF-ACCEPTANCE.
- Salma Summers
- Jan 13, 2020
- 3 min read
i haven’t written for a few days and after writing about throwing out the rules, i find that i am taking my own advice.
lately, all pressure has been off the table. all pressure to perform, all pressure to be perfect, all pressure to do anything. 2020 or just me? i. don’t. know.
our conditioning is filled with pressure, it is filled with wanting to be accepted and doing anything for that acceptance - which in turn results in so much pressure.
my last written blog post was about throwing out the rules - when you do this, the pressure starts to settle. life returns to its child-like nature where all experiences are met with curiosity.
how exactly do you get here though?
it all starts and ends with self-acceptance.
self-acceptance is a huge topic and we aren’t going to cover all of it in a 500-word blog post. but when you strip people of their defenses, denials, and attachments - at the core of who they are, lies a child who wants to be accepted.
acceptance is the reason we do everything that we do.
when we are young we realize that the people around us either accept or disapprove of our actions.
acceptance leads to love.
disapproval leads to rejection or some other form of punishment.
since we are a social species that is literally dependent on one another, the risk of disapproval is costly. and it is a cost that we aren’t willing to pay - until, we realize that the cost of disapproval will win us self-approval and acceptance.
that means that at a certain point in life (if you have the awareness), things just begin to click. you start to realize that your acceptance of yourself - is more important to you than your parents or your boss’s or your friends or the audition judge or the hiring manager or whoever the fuck else that put themselves in a position of authority.
life is really where you put yourself. when you realize that where you put yourself is contingent on what kind of beliefs you hold - this is when the real work begins. this is when you take back your power and apply it to cracking the code that keeps you in lack.
take a look at where you have denied a part of yourself for the sake of external acceptance or where you continue to do so. would you hang out with those people you don’t actually like if you weren’t afraid of what they would say? would you go to that family reunion if you weren’t trying to please your parents or your partner? would you really do half the shit that you’re doing if you didn’t deep down inside want to be approved of?
if you’re reading this, the answer is most likely “no.” no one gets into personal development or self-help who hasn’t realized that their conditioning has fucked them up. people who don’t know, aren’t doing the work.
all the life coaches, all the mentors, all the teachers, all the consultants, everyone helping others to level up in life - all teach one thing … how to trust and accept yourself.
the process of doing so, however, can be done with no help. you have all the power within you to accept yourself fully. all any of us who teach spirituality and self-love do, is direct you back to that place and support you in the process.
the process is more about unlearning than it is about learning and if you feel pressure to have it all figured out, your ego has created yet another trap to keep you boxed in.
take a deep breath. you are doing this right - there is no wrong way to unlearn these patterns. take it easy on yourself.
self-acceptance comes when you stop beating yourself up for some kind of external pat on the back.
and if you are reading this, self-acceptance will come.
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