free yourself from the trap of wanting to be liked.
- Salma Summers
- Oct 26, 2019
- 3 min read
are you an agreeable person? do you agree with people even when you don’t really believe what they are saying? do you go along with the conversation just because? this type of behavior weakens your integrity.
in order to find your way to self-esteem, you first have to respect yourself.
and if we are constantly doing shit for the sake of being accepted we will never find our self-esteem.
without self-esteem, we can not create the life we desire. as long as we are seeking outside validation we will continue to keep ourselves in life's traps.
the moment we start to look at our beliefs and truly start choosing them for ourselves, we will recognize that a lot of people have beliefs that weaken their self-esteem (including ourselves).
you don’t have to agree with someone in order to support them. for instance, if your mother is constantly nagging you about something, you don’t have to use language that agrees with her behavior. you can instead say something like “that’s interesting, how are you going to deal with that?” this way you aren’t including yourself in her drama.
we do that way too much and it doesn’t serve us at all. to include ourselves in other people’s dramas is a way to evade responsibility for our own lives. when you truly get to a space of self-esteem you won’t feel the need to participate in drama. you won’t need other people to like you because you like you.
we only need other people to like us when we don’t like ourselves. it is a human trait to want to be liked but the difference between those with true self-esteem and those who haven’t found it yet, is the former doesn’t need your like.
when you find yourself agreeing with something you know you don’t, whether at work, with your family or with friends, take note of it. pay attention to when you do this. a lot of us do this unconsciously. we do this because we are afraid of confrontation however when you stand for something you will inevitably run into some form of confrontation. and even that ... you choose how you react to it so that it doesn’t have to end in a negative way.
we can’t be afraid of losing people’s likes. otherwise we will always be in the trap of trying to please everyone. we will live life for others. this is one of the biggest regrets those who are dying have, they wish they gave a little (aka a lot LOT) less fucks about what people think.
so how do you give fewer fucks? you start developing your own belief system. you start recognizing where you are infringing on your own boundaries. Gandhi once said, “no one can hurt me without my permission” meaning that everything that is done to you, is first allowed by you. if you don’t allow it, it can’t happen. that is how much power you have.
“everything that is done to you, is first allowed by you”
we can’t know our power until we start respecting our power. this looks like not allowing others to dictate what we say or do.
this looks like saying what you truly believe when you feel like you want to.
this looks like not agreeing with bullshit because it is coming from someone you love.
this looks like radical boundaries.
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