self-awareness the gift and the “curse” + the temptation to give up on yourself

self-awareness is a gift from the soul but the ego will always perceive it as a curse. this is because when you start to do the work, all your patterns will become revealed. and the problem with this is that patterns are comforting. our patterns (no matter how negatively they affect us) have become our dearest friends in life. when we feel any negative emotions, there is usually a pattern we lean in to so we don’t have to feel these emotions. ⁣

⁣

let me clarify, it isn’t the emotion that is negative. it is the unhealthy ways in which we learned (or didn’t learn) to deal with our emotions that causes us suffering. also, many emotions have been labeled inappropriate, negative, or even “wrong.” ⁣

⁣

emotions are just responses and signals pointing us in a certain direction and if we refuse to look at them, we bury them and they become demons that block us off from the things we truly want in life. things like peace and innocence. ⁣

⁣

and the more we evade them, the more things we have to find outside of ourselves that help us escape these emotions, such as drugs, gossiping etc. ⁣

⁣

our life becomes one we run from rather than one we enjoy. ⁣

⁣

BUT when you start to do the work everything changes. when you decide that you want to get to know the deepest parts of you, something starts to rewire your entire being. ⁣

⁣

when i decided to break free from the matrix and from the illusions that have been implanted within me from decades of conditioning, i didn’t know where it would lead me but i started to put one foot in front of the other and i allowed myself to be guided by God/ the Universe. ⁣

⁣

self-awareness isn’t easy when you start to see all the ways in which you caused yourself and others' pain. my ego was not happy about the journey i was on. there were so many temptations to stop… to go back into hiding and escaping. ⁣

⁣

i started to ask the questions and the answers started to be revealed to me. i started to see patterns within myself that didn’t serve me and i actively worked to release these patterns. ⁣

⁣

fast forward to a couple of years later (me at this very moment) and i realize that i am at the core of the onion that i have been peeling back. this onion represents my conditioning and all the patterns i picked up to cope in this world from years of abuse. ⁣

⁣

spiritual warfare is real. there are forces that are placed here to try to stop you from your life’s mission. they will drop thoughts in your auric field so you can pick them up and they will sound/feel tempting. they will be thoughts that are specifically catered to your weaknesses and the habitual patterns that you’ve been working on breaking free from.⁣

⁣

this is when self-awareness becomes the greatest gift. you start to see the repeating patterns right in front of your face and you can’t be in denial about it anymore.

at times during this journey, i questioned whether any of this was even real. was i making it all up?

especially during those periods where i was told i was crazy or strange. i know now that the work is paying off. i know because i can observe myself and see lifelong patterns that i have never seen before. i can call them what they are and they no longer have control over me. ⁣

⁣

what was once a curse is now a gift. that is because i have chosen not to live from a space of ego. and even when i feel tempted to escape the very uncomfortable truths that come up for me, i find it in myself to look at it... to be curious. ⁣

⁣

this is an intense time. winter is always so revealing. it always leaves us naked like the trees, and very vulnerable. it is during these times that we most feel like crawling back into old toxic behaviors. remind yourself how your mission is much greater than your escape. ⁣

⁣

and if you fall, just pick yourself back up. it is okay ... it is always okay. ⁣

⁣

#getoutthetrap⁣