the illusion of self-importance and how to build a foundation of true self-esteem

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self-importance is a funny thing. only because it defeats itself every time. when we are in a state of self-importance we are really in a state of desperation. we want so desperately to be seen. ⁣

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but it is defeating because self-importance comes from a place of lack. and when we are dealing with lack, we are dealing with a spiritual crisis and an esteem crisis. ⁣

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if you have a life built on self-esteem you are not constantly looking to get validated from external sources. ⁣

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when you have a foundation of self-esteem you understand your needs. you are in no way out to manipulate people to meet your needs. you fill your cup daily and you seek out the support you need. ⁣

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however, most people don’t have a foundation of self-esteem so let’s look at some ways to develop this foundation. ⁣

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firstly, lack of self-esteem which leads to a false sense of self-importance comes from a place of not having been seen when you were a child. ⁣

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maybe you had emotionally unavailable, neglectful, or even abusive parents. appropriate attention, esteem, and love weren't modeled to you. ⁣

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but esteem needs are human needs so if you don’t meet them upfront, you will meet them via the back door.⁣

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this is what we want to avoid. nothing good comes from manipulation. ⁣

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deep down inside what we really want is to see ourselves. ⁣

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we want to be accepted and loved for who we are at the core. the same part of us that was rejected as a child. ⁣

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step one: stop polarizing⁣

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manipulative people aren’t evil. there are no bad people in the world, there are people who do “bad” things. no one is born evil. all of us learn harmful behaviors and some of us never break free from these patterns. if you recognize evil in other people and it polarizes you, there is a lesson there for you. people with a foundation of self-esteem embrace all aspects of themselves. which leads to step two. ⁣

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step two: understand you are neither good nor bad⁣

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more than likely if you don’t have a foundation of self-esteem it is because you believe that aspects of yourself are bad. you learned early on that some “parts” of you were unacceptable and so you pushed those parts away. however, you can never have a solid foundation if you are pushing parts of yourself away. embrace what you consider to be bad about yourself and love that. self-esteem comes from a place of unconditional love for all that you are. ⁣

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step three: stop letting people tell you who you are ⁣

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people love to tell people who they are. we are constantly hearing people put each other down and project their own fears onto those closest to them. get to know yourself so that this is no longer a possibility. make a list of all the things you love and all the things you hate about yourself and ask yourself how you can integrate the two. when you start understanding yourself and your own beliefs, you won’t be bothered by other people's shit. you will understand what is yours and what is theirs and this is the birthplace for healthy boundaries. ⁣

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step four: set some goals with deadlines⁣

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when you do things for yourself you start to build a healthy sense of self … not the false one that has plagued our society with narcissism. when you challenge yourself to do something new or to finish an old project, you spend your time on yourself, for yourself. we do so much for the sake of being liked or validated. when we start doing things for ourselves we no longer feel this urge to be seen by others. with this type of confidence comes self-esteem. ⁣

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step five: do something for a complete stranger that you won’t get anything back from⁣

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make a donation. volunteer at a local shelter. feed the homeless. write a letter to someone. do something where you are expecting NOTHING in return. when we focus our energy on giving with no strings attached, we gain a sense of fulfillment that we don’t have access to before this point. it truly does something for you that i can’t put into words. just try it. ⁣

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when we are all wrapped up in our lives we forget how insanely immense this universe is and how much love is accessible to us. we forget that we don’t have to search for love because we are love. all the steps i mentioned bring you closer and closer to this realization. when we stop blowing our lives up, when we surrender to the bigger picture, we become one with the all. ⁣

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ironically, this makes us bigger than life… literally. we start to understand that we are here for a very purposeful reason. we stop playing small. we stop comparing ourselves to our fellow experiencers of life. we start to accept ourselves unconditionally and from this place we find ourselves standing on a foundation of true self-esteem. ⁣

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#getoutthetrap ⁣